yesterday I cried because I was scared shitless thinking about being vulnerable. I entered the dating scene for virtually the first time in over 5 years and it’s fucking SCARY. terrifying.
last week I cried because I hurt someone I really respect. in fact, I think I lost the friendship over it.
the week before I cried because someone who I love dearly, said some really, really hurtful things about me.
today I have actual fear for my future because of news being funneled into my head about crime + health care + our very own country.
social media can be a terrifying place. most of us scroll mindlessly, reading about our friends’ happiness, their amazing marriages, their beautifully clean + well decorated homes, their career successes and their vacations that cost more than my monthly mortgage payment. but rarely do you see a post that shares someone else’s failures or downfalls. their worry over how they’re going to make ends meet this month, or their anxiety about something really important in their life. the REAL LIFE shit we ALL go through isn’t often shared, because it’s depressing – and it makes us VULNERABLE.
this last month or so has been a weird transition for me – I’ve felt little to no desire to share anything online because, in the sake of full honestly, a lot of shit has been happening in my life and I just didn’t feel right trying to be my usual happy-go-lucky self for the world to see. so I just kept quiet, because I learned from Thumper that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
but fuck that. THAT kind of mentality is exactly what I want to smash into a wall. and I know for a fact I’m not alone on this. whether you speak up by liking my post, or commenting below, I know you’ve felt this way at some point, too. we are ALL human, and humans are meant to live lives FILLED with emotion. happy, sad, ecstatic, depressed, anxious, downright awful, scared shitless, or so happy you can’t hold the tears back. we’ve all been there, and we’re all going to continue to feel a freaking rollercoaster of emotions daily or weekly, UNTIL WE DIE. in fact, we’re not really living if we try to pretend life is always sunshine and rainbows.
so continue your scrolling, but never forget that behind all of those beautiful curated instagram accounts, behind all of those happy faces, and behind all of that sunshine, we are all going through stuff that makes us human. we all have doubts, worry, fear, troubles, closets full of skeletons and insecurities. let’s all do our best to stop comparing our worst to another person’s best, and take solace in the fact that we are all connected through our ability to feel things so deeply.