thirty three.

(written September 11, 2018)

thirty three years here on earth as of today. I can’t help but giggle as I write that because most days I barely feel like an adult, despite that number claiming otherwise. I mean, sure, I have a house to keep from burning to the ground (which is questionable when I actually cook), and I’ve got bills to pay + businesses to run. but how can one be so grown up + yet simultaneously need to ask their dad how to fill the lawn mower with gasoline (not kidding guys, this just happened), and make their mother drive with them to pick up purchases off craigslist, so they don’t get murdered (alone)?

when I was younger, I totally thought ‘your thirties’ meant the best part of your life was over. I would FOR SURE be married. I’d probably have popped out a couple offspring. I would have already traveled all over the world, with so much knowledge of life packed into my brain that learning just ceased. I couldn’t fit anymore life lessons into my head. that was it. life would be great, but mainly over, in my thirties.

what I am delighted to report is this:

I am thoroughly enjoying the freedom that comes with being a single thirty-something, especially after spending my twenties thinking love would make me whole. I have zero human kids on my radar + it doesn’t scare me. my passport has some pretty legit stamps on it, but it also has so much room for more. BEST OF ALL: I really feel like life is just beginning.

the coolest part? my brain has all this freaking ROOM. I can’t stop learning, even if I try. life lessons, cardi-b lyrics (even if you actively try to unhear that trash), the number on the passing city limit sign, that book I couldn’t put down, that article about time travel. it’s as if in your thirties, your brain actually pays MORE attention to shit happening around it. it soaks up more info, processes it, and spits it out in the form of overly-wordy social media posts.

I am ecstatic to be turning thirty three today. I am happy to report that though life is literally as opposite as I had imagined it to be today, it’s so much better than I could have ever dreamed. the current people in my life make it outstanding, and I somehow keep bumping into new people/places/things that just enhance it that much more.

cheers to life not going as planned. cheers to feeling lost only to realize you’re on a path far better than expected. may you all experience the awesomeness that is not getting your way. oh and, happy fucking birthday to me.

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