thirty two years.

eleven thousand, six hundred and eighty days. thirty two years. over three decades. that is how long I’ve been alive, and it’s a little hard to fathom. I still don’t even feel like an adult most days. I mean, when I was 12, I used to imagine being 32 meant you were really old, totally boring, had all your shit together, and knew everything about life. what I didn’t realize is that being 32 was really no different than being 12, except you have a mortgage payment, dating scares the shit out of you, your mom is on speed dial and sometimes dinner is a yogurt and goldfish washed down by a Lacroix spiked with vodka.

what I really didn’t expect was to be as utterly happy as I am at 32. single, living alone, with a house full of animals, a job that is INSANE yet the most amazing thing to ever happen to me, an almost nonexistent school loan (WOOHOOO) and the best friends and family a person could ever imagine having.

don’t get me wrong. the year of 31 sucked hard core ass. like, really sucked. in between the sucking, there were a LOT of amazing things happening, but over all, it was a year of STRAIGHT UP HARD LESSONS that knocked the wind out of me. wind that has yet to be fully replenished, but it’s getting there. I’m trying hard to learn something positive from each and every one of those ass-sucking shitty times but it’s not just that easy, and I’ve found that it’s necessary to have a daily reminder of WHY it’s stupid to let the past get in the way of my happiness. sometimes I have to remind myself a few times daily. those are the days I marinate myself in Joy and head for a long walk with Lola. being outside always seems to help me, and if it doesn’t, I just wrap up in my comforter, and get lost in a book, or most likely a Netflix mini-series…or let’s be real honest, I scroll Instagram until I am disgusted with myself.

anything that annoys you is teaching you patience.

anyone who abandons you is teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet.

anything that angers you is teaching you forgiveness and compassion.

anything that has power over you is teaching you how to take your power back.

anything you hate is teaching you unconditional love.

anything you fear is teaching you courage to overcome it.

anything you can’t control is teaching you how to let go.

thirty two is going to be a year of insane growth for me. I’m going to really embrace me. I’m going to finally take care of myself, and not because anyone else is counting on it, but because I am. I’m going to gain confidence and keep it regardless of what anyone thinks of me. I’m going to learn to say no more often. I’m going to say yes more often, too. I’m going to learn, and teach myself new things, new arts and new lessons. I’m going to be less shy, and meet people that will change my life. I’m going to really embrace being 11,680 days old.

xoxo

 

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