vibrant effing aliveness.
something has been on my mind a ton lately so in true Andi fashion, I’m gonna spit it out on the internetz for you to read (or to scroll by, whichever you choose).
when I was a kid, particularly in middle and high school, I remember having a deafening thought that I had no freaking clue how I wanted my life to pan out. I could barely balance my checking account, how the hell was I supposed to make a decision about what I wanted to be FOREVER?
when I think about that time in my life, I can actually FEEL the fear I felt. the sheer panic that set in when each day passed and I realized I wasn’t any closer to figuring out the path in which my life would travel…as if I had to make a decision and stay there forever (ha, how cute was I?)
I never really did come to any perfect conclusion, but I did go with my gut more so than my brain. my brain told me to make as much money as I possibly could so life would be easier, and I would be happier. and because my teenage brain didn’t know any better, I figured I had to either be a doctor, lawyer or an NFL player to make that kind of money. one being impossible in that I’m a woman and I hear the NFL isn’t really cut out for chicks. the other two seemed so… daunting, to say the least. not to mention the amount of schooling I would have to endure to go into one of the two remaining professions, and I was about as spent with school as a person could be (which is interesting now that all I want to do is LEARN).
my gut on the other hand told me that everything will work out. It’ll be okay; don’t panic; figure it out as you go, but in the mean time do something you really love. so I made a list of things I loved. art, music, photography, computers, the human brain, more art and freedom. I decided to go to school for graphic design (advertising design specifically) and that was that. I would perfect my art in the digital form, work for myself forever and all would be well in the world of Andi. that schooling did me well, I met amazing people, I learned phenomenal things, and I really was doing something that made me happy…but what I’ve come to know since making the decision to pay tens of thousands of dollars to have someone teach me how to use photoshop, is this:
life and the pursuit of finding what makes your heart sing while simultaneously filling your bank account will be a NEVER ENDING PROCESS. every single thing you do will get you closer to finding the thing or things that really resonate with you as a human. you think your learning is over once you throw that cap into the air? FUCK THAT NOISE. the learning really hasn’t even begun….but that’s the fun part. NOW you get to hone in on learning ALL THE THINGS that set your soul on fire…..now you really get to come alive.
learning is something that, if you’re lucky, will NEVER end. you will continue to be taught lessons, hard and easy and everything in between. you will flourish if you allow those lessons to come into your life, teach you what they need to teach you, and flow out of your life just as easily. you will grow so much as a human if you learn from every person that crosses your path, every experience that you have, every little sign the universe throws in your face (including but not limited to all the red flags people will try and strangle you with….not that I would know ;)). each and every experience you have, each person that enters (or exits) your life, each place you visit – whether it’s a janky foreign restaurant or a foreign country across the planet – will get you closer to being where you feel at home.
if you’re in a place right now that doesn’t feel familiar; where you feel lost and uninspired – don’t panic. know that the passing time and this very experience is leading you to where you will feel nothing but VIBRANT EFFING ALIVENESS ✨
**edited to add where to buy these bomb floating bookshelves: https://amzn.to/2pY26ny**